Gearing Up For Chemo #2

Chemo day number 2 finds me awake super early. Which is better than chemo day number 1 which found me awake all freaking night. So..did I get some sleep because I am better prepared for what to expect or did I get some sleep because the Decadron dose was decreased by half? Who knows. What concerns me now is that with the decreased Decadron dose my side effects this round will be worse. Different too. As the Decadron did it’s duty last time in keeping some nasty side effects at bay, but now with the dose cut in half I wonder if those nasty side effects will increase. I suppose by Thurs/Fri I will know which is the lesser of 2 evils.

I am truly trying to find my inner peace today. I do not want to do this again (and again and again and again and again) but I know it’s what I must do. I am lucky to have such wonderful support, my husband, my parents, my friends, all willing to do whatever it takes to get me thru this, willingly, unselfishly, expecting nothing but my return to health in return. Which is good, because I could never adequately repay anyone for the help they have given me and my family.

So…today I go to chemo solo. My chemo buddy is sick so she has no business being around me right now.  I had considered putting out an SOS on facebook yesterday but the truth is…chemo infusions are boring…nothing to do…very little privacy as the rooms are separated by curtains, not doors. IV’s are beeping all over the place…nurses keep coming in. I suppose tho that if I go solo I will not be allowed to close the curtain between me and the nurses’ station. I don’t want to be looked at all the time as people pass. It’s like my backyard, a fishbowl.

And I figured out a way to stop watching my hair fall out. Sunday night Alan and Michelle shaved it again. Now it is <1/8 inches long…except for the places that are completely bald due to the chemo. But at least it’s too short for me to grasp and tug! On a good note…other hair is gone too..legs, armpits. On a bad note…other hair is falling out too…eyelashes, eyebrows. Mom says it looks like I just got a good eyebrow wax…but yeah… that’s not what happened.

Mom….love my mom…she stopped by yesterday and as she left I had a “woe is me moment” and she told me “Leah, you really need to truly believe, like I do, that the cancer is 100% gone from your body and will never come back”. I love my mom.

And I do believe it is gone, really I do…I am just having, and will have for the rest of my life, a hard time believing it will never come back.

My friends, I appreciated the text/phone calls/emails/FB messages I recieved last time around, keep them coming...just don't be surprised if I don't respond. If extra prayers are needed beyond the ones already being lifted, I or Alan will let you know.