Trying to regain the warrior spirit is, at times, hard. But
today when I went to my onc’s office to get my pre-chemo bloodwork done I
scheduled my last (yes, last) chemo for Oct 23. And I found myself smiling as I
did so. Barring any unforeseen circumstances I will get my last chemo infusion
on Oct. 23. Hopefully forever, please God, forever.
The glass is half full today. Baby steps…
Honestly, the Monday before chemo is kind of fun…I get my
lab work in the AM and spend the remainder of the morning with my mom. And I
eat…horrible, crappy, oh so bad for me food. And I love every bite of it.
Plus..I am “high” on steroids so I have energy to burn. Anyone need me to
vacuum their house? Say around 2AM?
Decadron…oh so good to keep side effects at bay…oh so bad
for my nerves, and stomach. I’m jumpy, shakey and hungry. But…on a good note…it
has not caused me to gain any weight. I was real worried about that. As a
matter of fact, I really haven’t lost any weight. From diagnosis to now I have
lost just enough weight to be my “wedding day” weight. Which is a perfectly acceptable
weight for me. And not one of my medical professionals seems at all concerned
about my weight.
As a matter of fact, last time I saw Dr. Sh he commented on
how well I was handling chemo and its side effects. See? I put on a happy face
for him.
As for the 4 I have had, the last one was the worst.
Resulting in a mouth sore (like I don’t have enough problems there! Have I
mentioned how gross chemo mouth is? Seriously, I except flames to come shooting
out every time I open my mouth) and a need for some rehydration a week later.
But other than that…(oohh...you just got some nitty gritty!)
…just the emotional part was bad…
So I guess I am ready for #5. I guess I have no choice.
Other than stopping now, and I have been told, multiple times, by multiple
people that stopping now is NOT an option…well, it is really…you aren’t going
to tie me up and drag me in there, then strap me down, are you? Are you?
So here is what you can do to help me get thru this next
week or more. Email me, leave me voicemails, remind me that I am a warrior and
that you love me. Raise my name up in prayer. Send me good vibes and cyber
hugs. Tell me what we are going to do together in a few months that will be oh
so fun. Just add a comment here if you will. Help me to remember what I so
easily forget lately, that I can, and am, doing this.
Oh…and don’t forget to tell me I am pretty…
YES! I will tie you up, drag you in there, then strap you down!
ReplyDeleteAnd...yep you're still pretty....
That anonymous voice sounds familiar! For the mouth sores--if not contraindicated, hydrogen peroxide is a great rinse, debriding agent, and is the best thing I have found for healing after dental work or for canker an in-mouth cold sores. Also, there is a product called canker covers that will cover and effectively seal mouth sores so they only hurt a fraction as much. I don't know if the size is good, but they're worth looking at.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to want to go....you just have to show up. And you will show up, because you daughter and you friends and family and a whole lot of tomorrows depend upon it.
And you're more beautiful than ever.
Hugs.
Jill
Holding you up in prayer, sending healing vibes, sharing the Big Girl chair with you today!
ReplyDeleteWe most certainly can get through this...together, by any means possible, and live to be Wise Old Women.
We are WOMAN, hear us ROAR!!
Biggest HUGS EVER
((((((((((((((((((LEAH)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
love and peace, Sister :)
Rock climbing, kayaking, and geocaching... Can't wait to see you on the end of a rope being belayed at Chickies Rock or some similar venue... Do you remember that little adrenaline rush when you're on belay trad climbing and you lean over to grab a hold and fall?
ReplyDeletePlus, who can forget your ditching the kayak on the Delaware River near the wing dam? Before the rapids? What was that about?
Hee Hee Hee, good times!
Chin up, kiddo.
Dwight
I first found your blog right after we met with the oncologist for the first time and found out that my partner of 18 years was going to have TCH as her chemotherapy treatment. When I Googled TCH, your blog came up as one of the options. I selected it and it took me to your post titled "TCH". I could not stop reading. I can not describe to you what reading about your journey has meant to me. My partner, call her J, just turned 48 in June and was diagnosed in mid-July after a routine mammogram turned out to be not so routine. The first doctor visit was early August with a oncology surgeon. That's where we first heard about HER2+++ and what it was going to mean to us. At that visit (which we were hoping was going to be a plan of lumectomy and some radiation - but not so)we found that chemo for 4 months was a "given", followed by 8 more months of Herceptin. We also were told that due to the way things looked, the surgeon was recommending a MRI to make sure there were no other areas - well of course there were, followed by 2 more MRI guided biopsies and the end result was 2 more areas of cancer in the left breast. All looked okay with the right breast - but considering that nothing showed up a year ago and now there were 3 areas of cancer, J opted for a bi-laterial mastectomy. That was done on Sept 20, along with her "power port" installation. The drains came out last Monday and on Thursday we met with the oncologist to schedule the start of chemo and also to enroll in a Phase 3 clinical trial of pertuzamab. This will possibly (50-50 chance due to randomization) be added to the TCH. Being in the trial means a lot of extra testing and monitoring over the next 10 years, so we thought that was a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWe also got the "chemo education" and a tour of the infusion center. Four hours later we were so overwhelmed and she was so down after the tour and seeing "the future". She felt like the surgery was so big and the reality that it was the easy part (okay, nothing about this is easy) and the hardest was yet to come, was just too much.
Since I have been reading your blog, I have known what to expect and how I need to prepare and to react as she goes through this experience. It really impacted me to read (and hear) your words that this was happening to YOU, we (as family) might be along for the experience and may play our parts well by supporting in every way possible - but it is not happening to us. I have to remind myself of that constantly, to let her be sad or mad when she needs to and to not try to 'fix' things.
Anyway, after reading for the last 2 months I finally had to comment when I read that Oct 23 is your last chemo, because that will be her first. Knowing that you are making it through yours and will be done that day helps me help her and I thank you - more than I can possibly tell you.