Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Radiation "Mapping"


I can explain being “mapped” for radiation therapy in two words: Total Humiliation.

Please, join me in this little journey into hell…

First thing you do is go into a unisex changing room to change out of your clothes and into a gown. In my case you only have to change from the waist up. Also, in my case, I cannot take off my shirt without first taking off my head scarf. Which is a pain. It would be more of a pain to take it off, put it back on while wearing the gown then take it off and put it back on after I put my clothes back on. So I brought a hat.

Then you go into a unisex waiting room and wait till it’s your turn to go back into another room.

It will be like this when I go in for radiation too…not just for the “mapping”.

A unisex changing room and a unisex waiting room. I have issues with this. I am not a “flaunt what you got” kind of person. And right now what I “got” is a bald(ish) head and square expanded boobs, that don’t move. It’s embarrassing. And I refused to go into the unisex waiting room. And I will continue to refuse to do so. They will just have to find somewhere else for me to wait. And, while I was in the mood to refuse things, I refused to have a male technician. It’s not just “luck” that my radiation therapist is a female.

But I haven’t even gotten “mapped” yet and already I am humiliated?? Can it get worse?

Yes.

Because then I take off my gown and lay down on a cold metal slab with my arms raised over my head, a big rubber band over my feet (to remind me not to move them) and get drawn on with a sharpie while they position my head “just so” and tell me not to move as I enter some weird round machine that whirrs and does whatever it does. Then, I get three little tattoos, and was told I will get one more on my first rads appt. And was that position ok for me because that is the position I will be in each time I go in for rads?

I just lay there, silent tears coming down my face. I tried really hard not to chew open my lower lip but failed miserably at that. So now my mouth hurts. Again.

The technician told me to find my “happy place” but I couldn’t. All I could think was “Thank God I am not a man with prostate cancer”. Imagine the position he would be in. Oh the humiliation.

Anyways, I will get radiated daily (well, Monday thru Friday, not including Christmas Day and New Years Day) starting on Dec. 3.

Oh yeah…I am sooo looking forward to this.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my Sister......biggest, hugest hugs of all!!
    ((((((((((((LEAH)))))))))))))))))))))))

    I love you, girl. You are stronger than the "humiliation". Plus, I am sure you look STUNNING! :)

    Hang on just a little bit longer.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad you stood your ground... that is empowerment and just think the mapping is over. You have come so far. Draw a smiley face as your own tattoo :) LOVE YA!

    ReplyDelete