Homeland Security

About a week ago my friends Susie and Jill took Michelle and I to NYC to see Ellis Island and The Statue of Liberty. We had a spectacular time, as I usually do when out with these two lovely ladies. If you haven’t had a chance to go there I suggest you make the time. We drove in to Liberty Park in NJ and spent some time checking out the 9/11 memorial there. Really makes you feel small when standing below it. And really makes your troubles seem more tolerable.

However, I must prepare you, before you go, for the security checkpoint you need to go thru before you get on the ferry to take the little trip over to Ellis Island.

It’s just like an airport. If you are like Jill, you carry a little Swiss Army knife on your keychain. And you can’t bring that on the ferry….oh no….

And if you are like me, you can’t wear a hat. It was a warm and sunny day and since we were spending so much of it out of doors I decided to wear a big beach hat as well as a scarf on my head. I do need to be careful in the sun, you know, so the hat was in addition to two layers of sun block.

Once I emptied out my pockets I was asked by security to take off my hat. I complied of course, but was shocked when the next words I heard were “do you wear that scarf for medical reasons?” I responded with a “yes” and then the security guard called over another security guard, a female this time. She said something to me that sounded a bit like Charlie Browns school teacher as she reached her hands out towards my head.

So of course I backed up a foot. I didn’t know what she had said and I was afraid she was going to pull off my scarf. Which would have mortified me. So she repeated herself, more clearly this time, and said she was going to “check” my head, and then she felt the top of my head thru my scarf.

Now, let’s think about this a bit logically, shall we? What on earth could I have put between the scarf and my head? A bomb? An uzi? The scarf is so obviously wrapped tight to my head. I understood, as I stood there near the NJ 9/11 memorial that it’s better to be safe than sorry, but still. Really? Really?

Can you imagine the reaction if the metal in my expanders had set off the metal detectors? Would the little cards I carry in my wallet explaining the expanders have been sufficient “proof” that I reside in cancerland? Or would I have had to strip down?