Support

Someone asked me yesterday “Leah, it’s only been a few days, why are you telling everyone about this already? I wouldn’t tell anyone!” My answer was this: When I told the few people closest to me the response was overwhelmingly positive. And so a told a few more people and got the same response. And then people I don’t even know reached out to me (on my request, thru mutual friends) and they were a wealth of info. And there is a line of survivors now standing behind me, more people I don’t know, willing to assist me in any way they can. So why not share this news? Perhaps someone out there has (or had) the exact same cancer I have, and wouldn’t I just love to talk to that person??

Did you know that while I go thru treatment there is a local group that will come to my home and clean it? I didn’t know that either. I will call on those people, but I admit, I feel sorry for them.

Of course, not all the responses I received were exactly what I wanted. Some folks are actually more emotional than I am. Some folks couldn’t stop texting, calling and emailing me, and if I didn’t respond quickly enough they would text again, email again, call again. And that was not helping. At all. I need to be strong for me, my husband and my daughter. I need to be strong to remain sane. I do not, and will not, need to be strong for you. Don’t get me wrong, I understand your emotions, if I were you and you were me I’d probably behave the same way.

I will allow you your tears, of course. You can hug me. I know you are sad for me, you feel helpless and you want to help me. You may even NEED to help me. And perhaps, even tho you know I have cancer, you haven’t seen me yet. So that first time that you do, cry if you must, and hug me too. Tell me how much it sucks and then PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL BRA AND GET OVER IT!

Follow my lead please. Am I crying? If so, go ahead and join me. Have I asked you about you? If so then tell me about you.

Yesterday as I was walking to the bus stop a neighbor was driving down the road. As she approached me I saw her window coming down and thought “oh boy, how is this going to go?” I like this neighbor, I consider her a friend. I am very comfortable talking to her and I’m always happy to see her. We hang out as neighbors often do, in the back yard or on the sidewalk while the kids play. She is dear to me and I love her boldness, she makes me laugh. But we are not super close friends. And she got the “Dear Everyone” letter. And she emailed me, and texted me and offered me any assistance I would ask of her. So when she pulls over I immediately ask her about something fun that is happening in her sons life, I don’t think I even said “Hi”,  but I wanted to control the situation and she followed my lead. And we talked for about 7 minutes, till the bus got there, and my cancer was only briefly discussed.

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED.

Here is a truth: This cancer won’t kill me, but it will kill a friendship if my friends start treating me differently. I am still the same. I am still sarcastic, I am still socially awkward, I still speak before I think, I still make jokes that my mom doesn’t think are funny. I am still me. Right now, I am not even sick!! Physically, I feel fine. Everything I could do a week ago, I can do today. Emotionally I am still a bit of a wreck, so if you want to help then just be you, and talk to me like I am the me I was last week. I love you too.

Let me tell you about my friend Mike. I have never met him. He doesn’t live too far away but our paths haven’t crossed. We have a bunch of friends in common and because of the power of Facebook we connected a while ago. He makes me laugh. He is sarcastic and speaks without thinking. He is a bit (pea)nuts. He just sent me an email that I am going to share with you. I hope it makes you laugh the way it made Alan and I laugh. This email represents the kind of support I also need. The laughter in the face of cancer:

I feel TOTALLY awkward now after reading your blog in it's entirety. I thought I would make a nice gesture to make you feel better so I looked at your profile pictures and saw that you have curly hair. Since I have straight hair on my head; I shaved off every curly hair I had on the rest of my body and put them in a bag to send you so that you could have a "curly haired " wig made if you needed it and then I see this Kimmi person has already offered you her hair. Now I am just plain embarrassed and to make matters worse, now my (pea)nuts itch! That's what I get for trying to be nice!!!