Work

Today I had to go back to work. It’s part of my normal life. And I am one of those lucky people that actually enjoy going to work. Even when I have a bad day at work, I still have a good day. I’m a home care nurse, so for the 8 hours that I work, it’s just me and my client. I have all day to assist him with whatever he needs, and I am honored to so. I get to use the knowledge and skills I have spent years perfecting to make someone else’s life more bearable. My client is awesome and for the two years I have been with him we have formed a great bond. We are friends. We love each other. And I could spend days telling you how wonderful he is, but there are HIPPA laws I must adhere to. I can say this tho: like my step-daughter Mary, looking at him helps me put my troubles into perspective.

The only downfall of my job is that it is physical. Sometimes that is a good thing. Other times, like when I had elbow surgery, it’s a bad thing. I can’t perform my expected duties if I can’t use my upper body strength. I needed to take six weeks off already this year to allow my elbow to heal. I needed to take two days off a few weeks ago because of the two breast biopsies I had. Because after a biopsy you aren’t allowed to lift, push or pull for 24 hours. I needed to take off last week because of MD appts. I will need to take off a day and a half next week because of MD appts. Which wouldn’t be so bad, if I worked full time, but I don’t. I work two, maybe three days a week.

So that sucks.

And now I am going to have a double mastectomy. And I really doubt I will be able to lift, push and pull for a while after that. Then I will start chemo and I have no idea how that will affect me physically. I know someone who has the same type of job I do and when she had chemo she worked full time and didn’t have terrible adverse reactions. I know someone else who had chemo and became severely anemic. Her bones ached. Physically she felt horrible. So how will I react? Will I put on my big girl bra and say “I can do it?” Or will I spend that time hiding in my room listening to the sounds of summer pass me by.

Which is another thing that really pisses me off. It’s just about summer time. Summer is my season. I love summer. I love the outdoors, I love the lake, I love the mountains, I love the pools, I love the river, I love my kayak. I love the BBQ’s, the beer, the back yard spontaneous get togethers. I love to watch Michelle enjoy summer. I love to smell the scent of chlorine, sun block and sunshine on her. I love when I smell like those things too.

And I know I shouldn’t complain about it. It’s just one summer, I will have plenty more. But I can’t help it. I love summer. And I had plans already for this one. And now I don’t know if they will come to fruition. And then not only will I be pissed off, but Michelle will be too. She is too young to truly understand, she might “get it”, but she won’t really understand. A crappy summer will break her heart. So I will break her heart.