The Bad. The Worse. The Good.

So Francine didn’t make it. That’s the bad. My booby sister from CA was in DC and her plans were to travel to PA yesterday and stay about 24 hours before heading home to CA. There were problems with the plane that was to take them from to DC to PA, it wouldn’t go. I’m so sad about this. I was really looking forward to it and had done a thorough house cleaning in anticipation of her arrival. And made a huge pot of chili. Bummer. I have high hopes tho for another, better planned out, not last minute visit. Perhaps we will go to CA once all this crap is over with. Michelle was very upset too. She was really looking forward to meeting Francine. She wanted to see for herself that a woman can have, and survive, breast cancer. And that hair really does grow back. Luckily, my friend Leanne was happy to come over with her kids and eat chili with us. She makes me smile. Her children make Michelle smile and so what could have been a bad night turned in to a good night. Thanks Leanne.

Michelle. Oh Michelle. That’s the worst. It’s as if this child is a wonderful, happy go lucky child until she is near me. Or worse, she has to leave me. Being near me makes her sad. And while Alan and I both agree that I do my best to keep it together around her, there is an underlying vibe of fear and sadness that no matter what, I cannot get rid of. So I’m gonna take moms advice. All the “breast cancer awareness” stuff that is lying around my house will be hidden away before she gets home from school today. I had originally thought that if I treated my cancer as part of “life as normal” then it would be more easily accepted by Michelle. But I was wrong about that. Cancer doesn’t need to stare a 7 year old in the face. If I am home in the mornings she is a basket case. But if I am at work and she doesn’t see me in the mornings, Alan says she is fine. It breaks my heart to know that I break hers. She spent 24 hours with my folks over the weekend but never once did they talk about me.

But…for a little humor….during the neighborhood yard sale last weekend Michelle picked up a Halloween wig and said “How about this one Mommy? It will go good with your new boobies!” First time she made a joke about this cancer and it warmed my heart. Stunned my neighbor but warmed my heart. Because humor is always the best medicine.

And then there is my friend Laura. And this is the good. She found a website www.takethemameal.com (take, not make) that she has offered to organize for me. All she needed from me was a list of local names and email addresses of people I know so that she could contact them. Now she will put this together for me. Online. And folks can just sign up that they will bring a meal to my home on a specific day and at a specific time. This makes things so much easier as I have heard from many folks that they would cook for my family as I recover from surgery and then start chemo. And this will eliminate multiple meals being delivered on the same day. I appreciate Laura so much right now. And I appreciate all the folks who have been emailing and saying “count me in.” And I appreciate my mom who had to tell me twice that I had the name of the website wrong. Take. Not make. I think had she been in my home at that time she would have whacked my head to shake loose the rocks in there.

Just another ray of sunshine to help light my way