If There Is Anything I Can Do...

When you are going thru a terrible time in your life you often hear the words “if there is anything I can do….” And you always say “thanks, ok, I will let you know”, knowing in your heart that you will never really ask that person for anything. Because what can they do? What would you be brave enough to ask for? How low do you have to fall before you call on those people and say “hey, I need you to….”? Of course, you may ask your closest friends and your family for help, but everyone else?

Everyone who has talked to me since I have gotten this horrible diagnosis has said that to me. And for the first time in 39 years I am saying, to practically everyone, “well…what I need from you is…” For selfish reasons, and for reasons that I feel would be beneficial to Alan. Or Michelle. From the male friend who emails me and says “if there is anything I can do…” and I tell him to CALL ALAN! And be there for him. As only a guy can. From the nurse neighbor who say “if there is anything I can do…” and I say “well, I’m gonna have these gross drains that need to be emptied…” Seriously, there are so many people who really can do something to help me, and I have not been shy in the asking. Take Michelle one day a week while I go thru treatments? Thanks. I think our lakeside summer vacation will be canceled this summer but can we come spend a weekend with you at your lake house? Thanks.

Anyone read Readers Digest? I think it was in there that there was a story about a man who was dying. But before he died he called upon all his friends to help his wife raise their kids. I remember that story, how much it touched my heart. I remember thinking “if that were me, I would ask…” I would ask Paulette to teach Michelle about sports. My brother to teach her about cooking. Jill to teach her about nature. The neighbor to teach her about girl things, make-up, etc. Pam to help with homework. My mom to teach her about gardening. There are so many people who have so much to offer my family.

So, like I said, I have not been shy in asking. But being the person on the needing end of something, of really needing whatever it is you have to offer, I have this advice for you: don’t wait for the person you want to help to ask you for help. Offer it. Be specific. It makes it easier. You know what you have to offer, so offer it. If you’re lucky, the person you want to help is able to tell you what they want. Like I have been able to do. But not everyone has that capability. It’s hard. Really, it is. So offer what you have. It makes it easier. So much easier.

And just in case you are still unclear about this, let me give you an inside glimpse of the thought process of someone who is going thru a really terrible time: “help me help me help me help me help me help me help me”

Got it?